For the Love of Whales

I knew that today was going to be a good day. When I woke up this morning, the cell phone I purchased here worked again (save for the two dots in the middle of the screen). Yesterday my aerosol sunscreen leaked all over it, and as of when I went to bed, it refused to turn on. But this morning it was working again. And the hat I left on the bus that took us to the soccer stadium was right where I left it, patiently waiting for me to retrieve it. It is the little things like these that we take for granted. But often I have found that when we stop worrying about trivial things such as these, they tend to work themselves out. I do not mean to suggest that we be careless, but when we unintentionally become careless – or when unfortunate things occur simply by chance – we should not waste our energy worrying. There are too many other important things, people, and causes to which we should direct our energy instead.

Today was an enlightening day. We took a boat to Robben Island, the island where Mandela was kept extensively as a political prisoner. On the boat ride out to Robben Island, we saw several seals and then, a killer whale – first its smooth black back and then its distinguishing tail. I was not looking for a whale. In fact, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind that we might see a whale, but then we did. After this sighting my mind tricked me into believing that several clashing waves were also the backs of whales sneaking out of the water only briefly. Each time, however, I quickly realized that this was my mind playing tricks on me, my eyes were deceiving me. And then, in a single moment, a thought crossed my mind. A thought about expectations…
There is a time and a place for expectations. But in terms of casual interaction with people, one should not have expectations. One should have values that one believes in, but never should one expect to find these values in everyone else whom he meets. You see, if a person expects everyone whom he or she meets to be honest, he or she will be able to find honesty in that person, guaranteed; even if this person whom he or she has met is not honest, the mere belief that this person is honest is enough for supposed honesty to appear. The catch is that this honesty is manifested only in the mind of the person looking for it; in reality a person who is not honest cannot harbor honesty. Do you understand the importance? When you have no expectations of others, you find out who they truly are. But when you have expectations, then your mind is clear of expectations and you are able to view the person or situation or event as it is. Indeed, it is in moments when we are expecting nothing that we find the greatest things. However, when we expect to see something, our mind can be deceived into seeing things about people that are really not there.

This sort of thing especially surfaces in romantic relationships. Don’t you think so? When one is actively looking for a romantic partner, one expects to find certain qualities in the other person. As a result, one tends to find certain personal characteristics even when they do not exist, again because it is merely a manifestation of one’s own mind. Believing that the other person has those qualities for which one is searching, the relationship progresses and emotional attachment becomes greater. As time goes on and the honeymoon phase passes, however, one’s mind turns back to reality. When this reality sets in, one now recognizes that those qualities one saw in the other never truly existed but were only manifestations of one’s own mind. Then the relationship goes awry. All we all want is to be loved. But today, the whales taught me a lesson. Don’t go out looking for love, let it find you. Let your meeting of your significant other be by chance, by nature, by the work of God – whatever you want to call it. If you are looking for whales, you will see them, even when they are not there. So let love find you when you are least expecting it. You will know it is love when you feel compelled to deny that it is love.